Otto

 

Otto Skorzeny was born in Austria in 1908. He joined Hitler’s Nazi party in 1931 and assisted greatly in Hitler’s takeover of Austria in 1936. I believe in the late 1930s he got married.

 

During World War II, Otto fought on the Eastern Front, the Soviet Union, until he was severely wounded. Whilst recovering from his wounds, a friend in the SS, the notorious Nazi organization tasked most infamously with executing Hitler’s “Final Solution”, recommended Skorzeny to head an elite commando-unit Hitler wanted to raise whose purpose was conducting, essentially, guerrilla operations behind enemy lines.

 

Otto used this commando-unit to rescue Mussolini in 1943, an event that made him a world-renowned celebrity. Skorzeny went on, with this commando-unit, to play a prominent role in preventing Hungary from leaving it’s partnership with Hitler in 1944, he played a prominent role in stopping the military coup that nearly killed and took power from Hitler in July 1944, he played a significant role in sabotage operations during the Battle of the Bulge, and fought the allies all the way to the very last minute of World War II, even planned, briefly, to wage guerrilla, insurgent war against the allies after the war was officially over.

 

However, seeing guerilla operations at this point were futile, Otto surrendered to the allies and was held prisoner and tried for war crimes from 1945-1948. He was held prisoner even after being declared innocent of having committed any war-crimes (no full-proof evidence could be found and brought against him, though he was a known right-hand man of Hitler’s, especially late in the war), and one day simply decided he was tired of being a prisoner and made his escape in 1948 to Spain, where Spanish dictator Fracisco Franco provided him and his family political asylum for the rest of his, Otto’s, life.

 

From 1948 until he died in 1975, Otto became, was, styled himself to be a sort of Nazi James Bond, seriously. He spent these years globe-trotting, helping former Nazis wanted for war-crimes and crimes against humanity escape to safety in primarily Spain and South America.

 

He tended to get away with this, it is alleged, by making deals with, especially, the U.S., Israel, and Europe to use his spy-network, made-up of former Nazis, against the Soviet Union. And as long as Otto helped “fight the Soviet menace”, a blind-eye was turned away from his helping wanted Nazi criminals escape to safety by a majority of the most powerful nations in the world community.

 

Otto spent most of his time flying to exotic locations and rubbing elbows with the most powerful leaders in the world, always able to offer them some service like training secret-servicemen, interrogation-squads, or spying in exchange for whatever might help him keep some of Hitler’s most notorious minions safe and secure, thus keeping, in however small a form, Hitler’s Nazi-dream alive, which I think was Otto’s main purpose after the war.

 

After living life like a Nazi James Bond, constantly dodging capture and bullets, cancer is what finally killed Otto. He died quietly, comfortably with his wife by his side at his home in either Spain or Argentina in 1975, just a few weeks before Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

 

In my opinion, of all the famous and infamous feats Otto Skorzeny accomplished, his greatest, most impossible achievement in life, was actually staying married to one woman for nearly forty years, through all of what he went through, without divorcing.

 

Obviously because of the war, being captured, and being on the run a majority of the time, he and his wife sometimes went years without seeing each other. I don’t know anything about his wife, but Skorzeny is renowned for the number of women around the world he allegedly bedded during all of his global, Nazi James Bond-style antics.

 

And yet, when he finally died, it was quietly with his “beloved” who simply adored him right at his bedside, both happy he, at least, had led such a “full”, happy life with and, definitely, without, each other.

 

Being married to the exact same woman nearly forty years through, literally, thick and thin, for definitely better or worse, was Skorzeny’s greatest achievement because, how the Hell did he do it!?

 

I have never ever known anyone, man or woman, who would stay married to a person with a lifestyle like Otto’s.

 

Hell: people divorce literally over who’s going to clean up the glass of spilled milk, these days --- AND OTTO SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE TRAINING TERROR-SQUADS!! How did Otto do it? How did he keep his wife from leaving or divorcing him?

 

I guess as long as his wife couldn’t actually prove Otto was training terror-squads for various heads of state and ensuing the lives of many of Hitler’s top Nazi buddies were safe and secure, she morally couldn’t divorce him?

 

They were both Catholic, and from what I understand, Catholics tend to refuse to divorce no matter what happens in their marriages; could that be it? Otto’s wife didn’t care he was constantly being chased by people who wanted him dead for atrocities he was accused of committing during World War II; didn’t care that he was gone for years at a stretch; didn’t care about all the “rumors” of his many infidelities with other women, being a notorious, world-renowned womanizer; didn’t care about the rumors he was helping Nazi war-criminals escape to safety; didn’t mind that she was herself a target for kidnap and death by those who wanted to get to her husband?

 

Is that it? Her Catholic determination never to upset God by getting divorced kept her with such a man for nearly forty years?

 

Amazing.

 

In the year 2007, a normal person risks a spouse divorcing them over leaving for a weeklong business-trip once or twice a year, and Otto Skorzeny could leave for years, working constantly to keep Hitler’s, possibly history’s most notorious mass-murderer, dreams alive, and his wife is there soaking his perturbed brow with cool cloths as he slowly but comfortably in his own bed succumbs to ever-killing cancer at the, then, ripe old age of 67.

 

I could give a fuck about how Otto flew in on a glider and made one of the most famous rescues in history, of Mussolini in 1943: I wanna know the secret behind being able to do absolutely whatever you want, to whomever you want, whenever you want and remain married to the same person for forty years or your whole life at the same time.

 

How many people stay married forty years or their whole lives, these days? Six in ten-million?

 

Someone please write a book about this most fascinating and important aspect of Otto’s life.

 

How ironic would that be? “Otto Skorzeny’s Little Book Of How To Literally Do Whatever The Hell You Want And Stay Married To The Same, Completely Adoring Person Forever” saving the currently rapidly declining and left-behind institution of marriage.

 

And finally, keep in mind that I am only book-smart and have no common sense because I spend all my time reading the experiences of others, and everyone knows, the more a toad reads, the more common sense is sucked out of them, the less intelligent, able, and smart they become.

 

Ergo I ask you, if you don’t already, to doubt everything I say, as someone with no common sense can never be more than half right about anything, and usually way less right than even that.

 

Way less than 50% of the time, I might be right everytime.

 

Thanks for letting me poison you.

 

Maybe this olde toad simply lacks the common sense to stay happily married to the same person forever?